Crossed that bridge

Honestly, I didn't want to go to church this morning. I'm not one for hiding anything. People that I love and that I know love me ask how I'm doing... and I don't want to say, yet... I know they'd probably feel hurt if I didn't. Because they truly care! And it's not that I mind everyone knowing, I don't. It's just that every time I tell someone myself, I just want to cry. So I was dreading church, afraid that I might just break down. So I went late, the kids went straight down to Sunday school and then I sat with Larry in the sound booth for a bit. I did want to cry. It was really hard not to actually. The music was still on and it was all so nice and I just about broke down a few times. I know that no one would have minded if I did either, it's not that. It's just that I'm not someone to cry in public. And the whole time all I could think of was... oh I didn't wear waterproof mascara and I'm gonna look like a mess!! hahahaha, soooooo vain! I was able to gulp it down anyways. After church I did have some good conversations with people though. A fair bit had heard (which was a relief to me, not to have to tell myself) and asked how I was really doing. I have to admit, as much as it is hard to talk about, I think it would be harder not to talk about it! My heart felt sad this morning though... Little things, realizing that I no longer need to take prenatal vits, remind me that everything is different now. My heart is feeling sad about it all today.

Physically, I'm feeling much better! What a relief! Taking a couple days to sit and relax made all the difference. I burned through a couple books during that time which was a nice way to remove myself from how I'm feeling right now too.

I'm thinking it's time to start planning on planting my garden here. When I was pg, I had decided not to plant one this year. But now, hey, that's maybe another silver lining to all of this!

Well, I'm feeling a bit drained from everything... so I think I'm gonna sign off for now.