So I was thinking...

     I was listening to this song on the way home today. And I realized that we all need to sing the chorus for this song... a lot...  Ok, at least I do!!

Cause... things don't always go how we plan them. Rather, how often do things really go as we plan them?!? We plan blissful marriages, obediant children, orderly houses, best friends, etc. Not that we never have these things, but, what happens when we don't have those things?

What am I getting at?

Ok ok, I'll just... let it go... I missed my sisters birth today. The plan was that we would go to the city near later in the labor, and be near by while she birthed. And she birthed faster! Why should I be disappointed? Ok, well, I wasn't, in the least for her!! But I felt so sad, cause, well, you know how I feel about birth! So I took a shower and did some thinking. Why was I so sad that I missed her birth, when I never want anyone else at mine?

I realized, odd as it was.... That it was kinda my last stage of grief for my miscarriage. How? Well, I was the one who found these midwives. For my baby. And I was soooo excited to finally birth with midwives!! I would get to find out soooo much! And I wanted to try out a water birth too, cause... I'm curious! So when I lost that baby, I was so excited to be able to somewhat live vicariously through my sister's pregnancy. But the birth.. ohhh the birth had me so excited. To be able to visit with midwives and see if they do things differently. Then... it was done. Perfectly done I might add. Exactly how I would have wanted things for myself. But, selfishly, I had wanted to see the midwives and all.  But when I realized why I had really wanted to be there, then I was ok with it. I'm sure there'll be other births, perhaps not my own, but one of these days I'll get my doula training and even if it's years down the road, there will be other births!! So, I've let it go, something I probably shouldn't have held on to, but I honestly wasn't really aware that I was holding on to.  

But now... now that we've let all the trash out... I'm SO happy to announce that my nephew has arrived!!!!
Welcome to the world little Marcus (Markus?) Arthur!! I can't wait to hold you! And I'm so glad your mommy had a gentle quiet birth, just like she needed!! And you picked the perfect day too! Your Uncle Larry's birthday!