gathering thoughts

             Well, today was... interesting. So I figured it would be a good idea to write a few things down. In a way, to have reference for later if need be.

As anyone on my facebook probably saw, Larry had a bad day yesterday. We're starting to see a bit of a pattern to this illness. Bad-somewhat decent (though after each cycle it's been less decent usually) - a smatterning of yucky/painful days some better then others- then bad again. Perhaps that doesn't seem much like a cycle, maybe more like a rollercoaster.

Here's the details.
If the scales are right, he's lost 3-5 lbs more this week. His weight loss had stablized and he had even put on a bit of weight, so that kinda scared me to see some more weight go. He's loosing muscle mass now, and (to me at least) is looking scrawny. Still, I think for someone who doesn't know him, they probably wouldn't think he looks sickly. Just super skinny, depending on his clothes.

His appetite hasn't been great. I've been trying to give him the "right" foods, but now I'm wondering if that contributed to his weight loss. I think I'd loose weight eating like him too! So, I'm giving him more meat again. It's far healthier then sugers or junk food, but should help him get more calories. I've tried to be careful to give him plenty of fats still, but it's just not the same. Red meat bothered him before, so I probably will stear away from that still. He did have chicken twice this week (our family dr asked us to keep him on chicken, so I have, just less)  and fish, so it's not like he's been off meat this week either, the week before he was though.  So is he worse/loosing weight because of not getting enough meat/calories, or is he worse because he's getting meat still and it bugs him? Sigh... if only I knew. But, it could be neither, and so that's why I'll be cooking meat for him again this week. He can't loose more weight!

Now, yesterday was bad  because he was throwing up and monopolizing the potty all day.  The throwing up is a new symtom. Unless, he simply has the flu and is the only one who caught it because his immune system isn't great right now. He barely had the energy to walk from one end of the trailer to the other. In the evening he was trying to tell me something and he had to stop to breathe in between 2-3 words.... this afternoon has been better, better then in a few days in fact. I'm not sure if he just worked out a bunch of the yuckies yesterday or... who knows.

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Now, today. Since he was able to be parted from the porciline throne today, I thought he probably should see a doc, since things had changed a bit. So we brought him into the ER. The place was empty, we were the only ones there. After seeing the nurse, we waited... and waited... nothing new there. I figured the dr just wasn't there, since it wasn't busy. We later heard she was there... then, about an hour after we got there, she walked into the room and saw our coats laying on the bed. (Larry sat on a chair instead since he's in more pain laying down) She pointed to the coats and asked if there was a patient under there.  I said no.... those are just our coats (since.. you know, it's winter, so we have coats!)  and I pointed at Larry and said that he was the patient. She turned around and walked out. I thought she must have something else to do before seeing him. No... she saw the few others that had come in and... did other stuff I guess.  Anyways, we waited another hour, and I asked the nurse about how much longer, since the er wasn't busy.... she was suprised the dr didn't see us. So she said she hoped it would be soon. At 12:30 I thought I'd check if we should go home for lunch and come back, the nurse said she'd find the dr and find out. The dr then told the nurse that she didn't see us because all we had was coats!!! HUH? The nurse told us (this was all relayed to us by the nurse, the dr didn't even come back to the ER area) that we could wait to see this dr at some point, or we could go home and come back to see another dr tonight. We figured if the dr isn't smart enough to figure out that our pile of coats on the bed isn't the patient, and the people waiting next to it is... she's probably not smart enough to help Larry.  Tonight, we saw a great dr, he spent lots of time explaining things and telling us why one thing doesn't make sense, and what he thought we should do.
Basically, he said we need to keep coming back in, and keep "knocking", so to speak. That Larry isn't in good shape and something must be done. He explained how they, as family dr's also have their hands tied and it's not easy to get people in for these tests too. It was really great to hear all this info. He also ordered a couple more tests, he doesn't really think they could be the problem, but he thought they may as well cross it off the list.

Ok, sorry for being so long winded. Writing this all out is probably more for me then for all you! But, now I have it all recorded if need be. We were told, by the dr tonight, to go in again tomorrow night and see the dr then too, so we'll see how that goes. He won't be able to do anything more, but we'll go, cause... we were advised to, and the dr knows the system better then we do.

Lastly. Me... I'm doing fine through all this. But if Larry's having a bad day, I cry really easily. Not like sobbing, just tears always falling... I just can't stop them anymore. I'm not naturally someone who cries easily. But... this is different. So if you see me crying, no worries, its just one of those days. I'm soooo very thankful for friends who care, and for everyone's prayers!! Hopefully this all gets worked out soon and we'll have learned some amazing lessons and truths through this time.

Every hardship will someday just be a memory... and it won't hurt us anymore then :)