stuff...

My heart is feeling heavy. I know, I will process all this and peace will come. Yet, fear loves to lurk closer then fear.


I'm sitting here writing and I hear my amazing hubby teaching the kids and working through their homeschooling work with them. He's just... amazing. No, not perfect, but still I feel so blessed.

Almost 4 weeks ago his stomach started hurting him. Then it really started hurting him. We thought it was the flu at the beginning, then it just continued on. He couldn't sleep, and had little appetite, in fact, it would hurt to eat often. After a week, we saw a dr. He was pretty sure it was an ulcer. Oh... Hmmm, ulcer's no biggie right? Well, the dang thing just persisted on, he saw another dr (scheduled follow up) and she booked him for some tests. Since then, he's been taking his meds and they're not really helping. His energy is low. He hurts when he sits down. He's lost 20 lbs. 20 lbs, in just less than 4 weeks!

Since he ran out of meds, we saw a dr again today. This time, we got in with our family dr. He's pretty concerned. Larry's symptoms are no longer just looking like an ulcer...

See... Larry had cancer 10 yrs ago. The type of cancer he had has a 90 percent cure rate! Excellent! But... there is always a "but", isn't there... The way they treat hodgkin lymphoma (previous cancer) is they hit it hard, really hard. Which is great, because, they got it! But, because the treatment is so harsh, it's known to cause other cancers.

Now, it's a little early to get worked up and worried. But, going back, and doing all these tests, it's so close to home. We've so "been there, done that"...

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Update. Well, I didn't post this right away. So now it's morning and I will say that I am feeling a lot more peace. I really don't know the outcome to all this. But I do know Who will be with us! And. Hopefully this is just a pesky ulcer eh? Who ever thought an ulcer would sound good? LOL

We'll hear more from the dr today on how fast they can get some of these tests done.

Now, I have a decision to make. I was going to be flying out on Thursday with my Grandpa to a family wedding. The kids are sick, but they're all a fair bit better already. Still, runny noses abound! I'm feeling tired myself. And Larry's got the cold now too... So. Do I cancel my trip? My Aunt will probably be able to take my Grandpa, so he'll still get to go. But... I've done all this work to get everything ready for this trip. Researching. Reserving. Car rentals. Arrangements. etc... I was so so looking forward to this trip! But, my hubby mean way way more to me then any ol trip! I just don't want to chicken out because of worry, when everything would be fine at home. There's lots of people here who are willing to help Larry out some too... but, it's not like it would be all the time. oh dear oh dear... what to do. I've decided that I will make my decision by tonight. To give my aunt a day or so to prepare.

Any ideas?