Blessed are you Mary...

It's Christmas day. Things are quiet here, for a few minutes. The big kids are out sledding and quading with their dad and the littles are napping.  Christmas has been good this year. Blessed.

I've been thinking about Mary. How we call her blessed. There's a lot of writing, and songs about her. She's forever remembered and honored. But my guess is she didn't feel all that blessed. Perhaps, in her entire life on earth she might not have.
Would it feel like a blessing to have your entire community think you're having an illegitimate child? Your family shamed?
Would it feel like a blessing to ride on a donkey for days on end when you're nine months pregnant? I find a car ride hard!
Would it feel like a blessing to have this man, Joseph close by you, acting as husband, though you've never been with him that way. Possibly, awkward! The Bible doesn't state, perhaps Joseph was the one to help in the delivery. Even more awkward!
Would it feel like a blessing to deliver in a barn? A barn? Hello ladies... but there would be an outrage if a baby was born in a barn now days... But perhaps, that was the safest location. Perhaps, unaware to Mary and Joseph, God knew that there was evil looking for this child. To be hidden in the most unexpected of places... Where crowds could still gather to celebrate him, but his identity to the public remain rather illusive. 
Would it feel  like a blessing to have smelly shepherds celebrate with them?

I think it would have been hard for me. Confusing even. Why? Why can't my name be cleared now? Why doesn't this child look like someone spectacular and amazing, that when we return home all those who scorned me for my pregnancy can see that this child is the Messiah.  But he didn't look special, or different. She would have always carried that mantle of an illegitimate child. 
If I was her I would wonder, why must I got to Egypt, why can't I just go home? Why can't my life be simple? All my friends are having babies and living normally. Does this have to be this complicated?  I'm sure she hoped that being the mother of the Messiah would bring her honor, even if she only secretly hoped that. Don't we all wish for an easier life?

We don't know all the details. Or the whys. But sometimes I don't feel so blessed. Sometimes I questions and wrestle with my life.

The truth is... I am blessed.  I just don't always see the big picture. My name won't go down in history like Mary's. I haven't had to deal with the pain, shame and trials that she did either. I very much hope that God gave her many times of ease. We don't know. She would have had to struggle and over come like us. She wasn't part God!!  She was just like me.  Wanting Gods will, wanting my own and wrestling between the two.

Blessed are you Mary. Someday in Heaven, I look forward to hearing more about your story!