What do you do when someone hurts you deeply?
When they seem completely unaware....
It's hard to act normal.
Yet, I don't want to be one of those high maintenance friends that you're always worried about offending.
Do you say something?
Leave it alone?
Give your self space?
I feel like I've forgiven. I hope I have. I really do realize that it wasn't intentional. But does that mean that it doesn't still hurt some? My heart desires resolution. Yet, I feel like that would be making a mountain out of a mole hill...
I think time... and maybe a few good memories. Even though I want to stay away and hide. It's just a little scary, when your heart feels like it's exposed and a wee bit raw. But, I feel silly all at the same time. Wishing I had tougher skin and didn't hurt.
Right now, I'm just trying to remember to put it in the Lord's hand. But truly... I want to hold onto it like Golum's precious ring.
And such is life. It's messy business, people, that is.
Lord, teach me to love your people like you do... To see the bigger picture, beyond my own hurts and feelings. To grow and change... To take correction... even when it hurts. Let there be a purpose to this pain. Some gem of truth that makes me stronger for the next storm.
Amen
This is really good SaraLyn! My Spiritual Director said that he read somewhere that it can take something like 20 years for some wounds to heal (in our hearts) and for figiveness to really take root. 20 years!
ReplyDeleteWhat that means is that it's a process. It's not something that happens overnight. Those who love deeply are often the most vulnerable to being hurt the most. You my dear, are one who loves deeply, so you will be more easily hurt. It just goes hand in hand it seems.
Don't be afraid to give yourself the time you need to heal. I finally feel alot of freedom, but it was from stuff that happened about 6 ir 7 years ago! Forgiveness is not a destination, it's a journey.
Good on ya for writing. It's an important way of processing.
good grief. It will only let me post as anoymous. silly page. It's me. Auntie Kathleen!
ReplyDeleteI've wondered lately "what does forgiveness look like?" I mean, for God forgiveness is the ultimate, death on a cross, an example of lavishing love on us. But we're not God. What is it like for us. I have been in the process of forgiving for 3 years. I am slow to let go and so maybe I have stretched it out too long, but for me, first it was the step of not saying ill to others, even when I wanted to, then it was praying for that person, then it became a glance, then a nod, then a half smile....maybe oneday it will be a wave, or a "hi" or a "how are you?". But for now that's where it is at. Is it less valid because I don't run up and hug them? No. My nod is genuine and took alot of letting go of self to get to just that nod. It is a genuine, heartfelt, "I forgive you" nod! Maybe I am totally pathetic, but oh well.
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